Metafictional Allegory, or Not, You Did Not Write Moby Dick

Dear Unpublished Guy:

I usually don’t respond to the pathetic pleas of a person who has made the misplaced presumption that they are a writer. As I indicated in my initial communication, your submission exceeded our gazette’s word count by a magnitude of 100. Perhaps more to the point, you submitted the novel, Moby Dick, copied verbatim.

I’m afraid that I am not moved by your fair use argument. Your postmodern tom foolery would have been more compelling if you had mailed in a 2 ton whale shaped ash tray.

Metafictional allegory, or not, you did not write Moby Dick. I wrote Moby Dick, and I shall be litigating the spermaceti out of you.

Yours truly,
Time-Traveling Herman Melville