The Tragic Story of Silas the Monk
The DaVinci Codes tells the tragic story of Silas, a monk of Opus Dei, and his effort to sustain his faith in a world that hates albinos. In the beginning of the story, Silas starts on his quest to get the Holy Grail, so he can call in the Age of Aquarius. After confronting the curator of a museum, who turns out to be the debauched leader of a secret sex society in France, Silas forces the curator to tell him the location of the Grail. After the curator tells him, Silas must defend himself from attack. He shoots the curator and then flees, concerned that the police will arrive and charge him with self flagellation without the proper certification.
Realizing that he will soon die, the museum curator performs one last satanic sex ritual by tearing off all his clothes and painting a pentacle on his stomach. Even as he bleeds profusely from a gunshot wound, he is able to compose and write a cryptic poem, draw a hopscotch board, play several rounds of hopscotch with a kidney stone that he had just passed, write a secret message on the back of one painting, and for a scavenger hunt he is planning for later that week, he hides different objects behind other paintings.
Meanwhile, Silas follows the curator's direction to the Holy Grail, but realizes that he has been tricked. He attempts to find the truth from Sister Sandrine Bieil, a dominatrix in the museum curator's sex cult. Unfortunately, Sister Sandrine dies during Silas's interrogation, most likely by cracking a poisonous capsule implanted in her molar.
In a side story, Audrey Tautou and Tom Hanks, both guilty of obstructing a police investigation, flee to a bathroom at the Louvre. After finishing their business in the bathroom, the pair also pursues the Holy Grail. In the race for the Grail, they beat Silas and bring it to their friend, Teabagger. Silas doggedly keeps up the chase and attempts to retrieve the Grail. However, he is overwhelmed by the effete intellectual, disabled teabagger, and Audrey Tautou, and they tie him up.
Teabagger's servant, Rémy, frees Silas. Again, Silas pursues the infidels and is able to recapture the Grail. However, he is betrayed by the Teacher that had been aiding him on his quest. The Teacher informs the police of Silas's location and identifies Silas as the killer of the museum curator, who in the middle of his scavenger hunt has just died from an impacted bowel. As Silas tries to escape with the Grail, he is shot and killed by the police. He staggers into a park and dies, thus ending his tragic quest.
The Tom Hanks side story then takes an inexplicably long time to wind down and resolve itself with the revelation that he has a lot of unresolved anger.