I am not a monkey

Illiterary fiction excels at showing, showing with a profundity of adverbs and exceptional adjectives. Dictionary inspired descriptions that convey the most erudite worlds. With copious plot twists, illiterary fiction is surprisingly uninspiring.

Her face, bilious …

Copyright Gargoyle

When is it OK to rip off copyrighted material? It all depends on the ambiguity of fair use. Difficult to define, but you know it when you see it. Here are some examples of fair use, as far …

Death by Dr. Zaius, one of many missed opportunities in this anthology of short stories, Machine of Death. All of the stories are about a machine (of death) that tells you how you are going to die. It takes a …

Back by unpopular demand: a video prompt. Now, I’m calling them literary writing prompts. I’m expecting great things, people.

After viewing the video begin writing.

Look into the Abyss

I had a dream that SOPA would pass and the freedom to regulate would prevail.

I had a dream that my two grown children, living in my basement and the spare bedroom, would one day surf …

An allegorical polemic by a radical moderate.

Mr. Left always wanted some of Mrs. Right’s Skittles, but she never shared. Mr. Left was always sniveling and whining about fairness. Mrs. Right had a low tolerance for Mr. Left’s complaints. …

Never use an adverb to modify dialogue. Don’t use words like ejaculate and vociferate. Even better: Completely unmodified dialogue.

“Where are you?”
“I’m over here.
“What are you doing over there?”
“My God, I’m full of methane.”
“Why don’t you …

It’s only a matter of time before self-publishing becomes the next traditional publishing, an outmoded, outdated form of publishing. You-publishing is the next wave of publishing. With you-publishing, you publish my novels and collections of short stories. You-publishing can be …

Kate Winslet Naked

I only watch movies when Kate Winslet is naked. The first movie I saw was Titanic, then I saw Holy Smoke and Quills. I didn’t watch many movies for the next five years. I did watch Eternal …

Dear Unpublished Guy:

I usually don’t respond to the pathetic pleas of a person who has made the misplaced presumption that they are a writer. As I indicated in my initial communication, your submission exceeded our gazette’s word count by …