Dr. Zaius Rates the Literary Journal, Paris Review

Unpublished Guy: Dr. Zaius, what literary publication will you share today with the readers of this blog?

Dr. Zaius: This month, I would like to discuss the Paris Review. Specifically, I would like to discuss issue 110, which published the story “The Ape Lady in Retirement” by T.C. Boyle. Initially, I was skeptical about this story. What could a man have to say about a female …

The Lawgiver is clear. For the fiction writer, there are no publishing shortcuts, only the slow, hard route through a reputable publishing house. The lawgiver issued down eleven seven publishing commandments, which a writer must follow:

1. Just as a manufacturer designs a product for a profitable target market before a single item is produced, the fiction writer must write for readers that will buy a publisher’s books. Who will read your fiction? Will you write

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As Minister of Science and Defender of the Faith, I exhort you to heed the Lawgiver and follow the traditional, conventional path to publishing. Preserve a way of life that has served us well for hundreds of years. Do not listen to that self-publisher, William Blake. The self-publisher should be shunned and driven out, if not destroyed outright. Beware the beastly self-publisher, for they are the Print-on-Demand publisher’s pawn. Alone among the creative creed, …