Category: Books Unpublished by Me

David Foster Wallace Gets Serious About Laundry and other Books I Didn’t Publish

Things Will Get Really Out of Control if David Foster Wallace Doesn't Do His Laundry Soon,
Things Will Get Really Out of Control
if David Foster Wallace Doesn’t Do His Laundry Soon

I’ve not published many novels and short story collections. Here are 11 more books I didn’t publish.

  • David Foster Wallace Gets Serious about His Laundry. A morally passionate, passionately moral fiction that tells what it is to have fucking clean clothing. An ironically unironic story about laundry that includes a 7 page footnote describing the manufacturing process and chemical composition of detergent
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Mr. Left and Ms. Right

Mr Left and Mrs Right by Unpublished Guy, an allegorical polemic by a radical moderate

An allegorical polemic by a radical moderate.

Mr. Left always wanted some of Mrs. Right’s Skittles, but she never shared. Mr. Left was always sniveling and whining about fairness. Mrs. Right had a low tolerance for Mr. Left’s complaints. Life isn’t fair and that is all there is to it. He should get his own Skittles. Of course, it was a completely different matter when she needed him to run out for a pregnancy …

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Guns, Germs, and Mutton Chops Loses Pulitzer Prize

A foray into uncreative nonfiction resulted in this dry, impressively thick, and dreadful tome.

Guns, Germs, and Mutton Chops, a Pulitzer Prize Loser and New York Times NonSeller

 Guns, Germs, and Mutton Chops, a Pulitzer Prize Loser and New York Times NonSeller

Unpublished Guy incompetently argues that facial hair shaped the modern world. Societies that had had a head start in developing sophisticated facial hair configurations advanced beyond motley bands of hunters and developed full-blown military regiments—as well as syphilis and potent shaving kits for grooming—and haberdashed on sea …

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I Was a Teenage Clone

He was a high school biology teacher working on a special science project.

Book Cover - I Was a Teenage Clone

Book Cover – I Was a Teenage Clone

I Was a Teenage Clone tells the story of Mr. Landon, a biology teacher at the local high school in a small town. Mr. Landon was involved in some extracurricular activities. Suddenly, the admission’s office was overwhelmed by a dozen new students in one week.

What was Mr. Landon up to and what was …

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Chip

Chip is just like you or me. A blue, frosty complexion. He had chocolate drop eyes and a vanilla wafer tongue. But something made Chip different.

Book Cover - Chip

Book Cover – Chip

This is the incredible story of a pastry chef with an uncanny and innate ability to cook the perfect cupcake. “I feel the cupcake. I am the cupcake” Chip says in the opening sentence of this novel that explores the dark underbelly of pastry cooking.…

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Invitation to Raise The Debt Ceiling

Invitation to Raise the Debt Ceiling

A Book Unpublished by Me – Invitation to Raise the Debt Ceiling

Cincinnatus C is under sentence of death for an ambiguous, unspoken capital crime. He knows exactly when he will die—tomorrow, when he will hang. Sitting in his small spartan cell, he reflects on his wasted life and yearns to use what little time he has left to self actualize in a big way. Through the written word, Cincinnatus C is inspired to create …

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Fiction Book Synopsis for Ambrose Bierce Falls into a Wormhole

Ambrose Bierce, Main Character of Unpublished Guy’s Fiction Book to Be
Ambrose Bierce, Main Character of Unpublished Guy’s Fiction Book to Be

Here is the brief synopsis of the fiction book I intend to write this month.

In 1913 while traveling in Mexico to observe that country’s developing revolution, Ambrose Bierce, satirist and author of An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (mandatory reading for US high school students), disappeared with no explanation. What could have happened to Ambrose Bierce? For nearly century, it had been a …

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Blurb Fiction – Testimony of an Online Writing Addict

This is the impossible (because it’s not true) and redemptive story of Bob, a man who struggled for six years in isolation, secretly spent on his laptop with online writing and self-indulgence. It started when an older neighbor boy showed him online writing for the first time. It was fiction published in online journals and magazines. “I wish I could say it had no impact and went no farther,” Bob recounts, “but I can’t. Like …

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