Baby Food

You’re reading one of the Chuck Klosterman’s hypertheticals to a friend. You ask your friend to imagine that they have survived a plane crash in the Andes. To survive they must eat people, and if they had to choose, would they eat babies or old people? Does the gender of the meal make a difference?

Your friend thinks for a moment and then asks, “Are the people dead or alive?” If they were …

Neko, Nico, Necco Wafers

My blog needs a theme song, and I’m asking you to help me decide what it should be.

• Patterns by Simon and the other Guy. An empowering song about living life one day at a time.
• Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd. A stirring tribute to the industrial revolution.
• Porchlight by Neko Case. A romantic love song.
• My Only Child by Nico. A happy song about childhood by a different

…

A dark convention hall. In the middle, a Caldron boiling. Thunder.

Enter the three Politicians.

1 Politician. Thrice the political cat fight mew’d.
2 Politician. Thrice and once, the pork barrel whin’d.
3 Politician. ’tis time! ’tis time!
1 Politician. Round about the caldron go;
In the poison’d Romney throw.—
Political Toady, under cold stone,
Days and nights has thirty-one;
Long knives pulled out,
Boil thou first i’ the charmed pot!
ALL. Double, …

Sorkin, Writer of Short-Lived Mathew Perry, Slop Suffers for Art

This past weekend, Aaron Sorkin, writer of the West Wing and some short-lived Mathew Perry slop, broke his nose while writing. Apparently, he was reciting dialogue into a mirror and headbutted the glass.

I had a teacher, Wayne Ude, that disputed the notion that a writer must suffer to be any good. He figured that you should just put your hand on a …

I don’t often write poetry, but after hearing Harry Reid’s poignant speech, I was inspired. Besides, I always wanted to write a villanelle. Although, the rhyme scheme is all munged up.

My pomegranate tree is, I’m told, blossoming.
I have fig trees and roses and stuff that I just haven’t seen.
Rage, rage against the paying of our debts.

Do you know of the JuJuBe, my friends, both Mister and Mis’ess?
I’ve got a bunch

…

Ran across a web site, terrible minds, that has a cool logo and a weekly fiction contest that is really a clever way to build links to his site for search engine optimization. So I went ahead and wrote some flash fiction for the July Fourth contest.

It Had Been a Fine Fourth of July

It had been a fine Fourth of July. We went to see fireworks, of course, my wife and my son—my …

Which Political Figure Expects the Spanish Inquisition

Well, Weiner exited much quicker than I expected. I thought he would be around for a while longer. A week ago, I came up with 10 political double entendre headlines. With Weiner gone, I guess I should roll out these runner ups. Admittedly, these are a bit weaker than the first batch, and might be better described as double entendre-like puns.

• Kathy Castor Found in Intestinally Compromising

…

More Sensational Political Headlines Than Anthony Weiner’s Wiener

It doesn’t look like Congressman Anthony Weiner will be going anywhere, ensuring more amusing and tiresome weeks of double entendre-based wiener jokes. Is Weiner’s wiener ironic enough for an Alanis Morrisette song? I’m not sure.

Aside from the obvious Dicks and Peters in Congress, what other amusing double entendre-based news headlines may out Weiner’s Wiener in the near future? What about former Senator, now presidential hopeful, Santorum …

Company Car Held Dark Secret

Sorry for my absence everybody. The Rapture interfered with my blog.

It’s been a long ten months. Hadn’t blogged in a while, because things got tough around August 2010. Unemployment, institutionalized offspring, home underwater, finances in the crapper, depression, anxiety disorders, legal trouble. I was sure that things couldn’t get worse.

In September, I was offered a new job at a salary well beyond what I had made in any …

Link #2. Progress on July Novel Writing Month 2009.

According to Google Analytics, about 70% of the visitors to the Unpublished Guy Blog are new. I like a Title with three 7s, however, so I am going to say that 77% of visitors to my blog are new. They’re my site statistics, I’ll fudge them a little bit if it suits me. For example, you might find it hard to believe, but I get 11 …

Quick select the Read More link and
catch the virtual blog post and win a prize!

You’ve caught the virtual blog post. Congratulations, you’ve won a physics lesson by a questionable authority (me)!

Like a virtual particle, sometimes the virtual post exists; sometimes, it doesn’t.

I’ve always thought that virtual particles explained why electrons appear to zig-zag through the screen slits in the classic experiment. I’m probably wrong, because I’m a self-taught physicist with a …