Unpublished Guy Fiction Panel (left to right): William Blake, Dr. Zaius, Mrs. Butterworth

Each month, more or less, the Unpublished Guy Fiction Panel discusses a novel or short story. This week: Franz Kafka the Complete Short Stories.

William Blake: Kafka, Kafka. burning bright. In the fiction of the night; What existential void. Could dissemble thy inexplicable asymmetry?

Dr. Zaius: To paraphrase this fiction collection's dust jacket flap, I would describe reading this tome of nearly five hundred pages as both an agonizing and liberating process. This man, Kafka, seems to have a keen insight into the depraved and utterly useless nature of man. A man changes into a disgusting beetle that is rightfully reviled and despised, as it is the internal reality of man. However, it is apparent that Kafka is insane when the death of the beetle is mourned instead of celebrated.

And then there is the piece of fiction, A Report to an Academy, a deviant story about an ape that becomes a man. In this story the narrator is addressing a herd of men and describing how he had formerly been an ape. He had been captured by hunters and subjected to despicable treatment, locked in a cage so small that the bars cut into his skin. To escape his cage he imitates the behavior of his captor, becoming a man. I abhor the treatment of the narrator and the manner in which his simian rights are violated. In the contrary view, I am witnessing the rise of the simian to a the civilized master and protector of the world.

In all of the stories there exists a level of ambiguity that disturbs me. I frequently feel the frustration of the characters in Kafka's stories, but the short stories are often so nonsensical that the stories proceed as if they are grounded in tapioca pudding. As Minister of Science and Defender of the Faith, I demand tangibles and absolutes that are completely lacking in the fiction of this Kafka.

Mrs. Butterworth: In this collection of short stories, I most enjoyed In the Penal Colony. What a delightful read! The Harrow, the diabolical machine that enforces discipline in the prison, reminds me of an integrated marketing campaign. Just as the machine's cogs and wheels move the needles to lightly slice and dice the name of the prisoner's infraction into his bare skin before sending him into a religious ecstasy and executing, the cogs and wheels of an integrated marketing campaign communicate the message of the book promoter through well executed email, direct marketing, online video, and advertising campaigns.

I could really relate to the part where the officer submitted to the Harrow, and it malfunctioned, grinding and cracking, jabbing the officer with the needles until he was a bloody mass impaled on the Harrow's needles. I've been part of a few marketing campaigns that felt quite a bit like that.