And the winner of the vaporware creative writing contest is …
The High Council of Unpublished Poobahs is pleased to announce the winners of the first, and most likely only, Unpublished Guy Vaporware fiction contest. The one-person council carefully reviewed the staggering number of submissions that were not received. Thanks to all for not submitting! Due to the stunning success of the contest, you can expect an announcement for the next contest to happen sometime between now and 5 million years from now when the Sun turns into a Red Giant and then bakes the solar system as it forms into a nebula.
Congratulations to the winning submission that might have been. I'm so hypothetically happy for the theoretical you.
"I am so pleased to have entered this contest and win $5. Sure, Unpublished Guy got unlimited rights to use my work as he saw fit. Sure, he went on to sell his proposal and become an overnight best-selling author. It's really OK, because I really enjoyed the Chai Crème Frappuccino I bought with that prize money. God, I really love those Frappuccinos," someone might have said had they entered the contest and won.
The Vaporware Fiction Contest was supported by no grants from any Art Council or other organization that might endanger its reputation by associating itself with my ill-conceived contests. Who would have thought that a call to do my writing for me would be such a smashing success? Perhaps, the chance to write a chapter in a novel about Ambrose Bierce and Jerry O' Connell having adventures together chasing after Bierce's run away moustache was just too seductive an opportunity to almost consider before moving on to more important activities.
Alas, my completed book proposal for a book that has not actually been written still lies just beyond my grasp.
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