Mr. Faulkner Endorses Sound and Fury Energy Drink, Rose for Emily Scented Oil, and As I Lay Dying Foam Mattress

Sound and Fury Energy Drink

I give you the beverage of all hope and desire. I give it to you not only that you may get a strong energy boost, but that you might get maximum hydration and an extra kick of B-vitamins, caffeine, electrolytes, and SOUND AND FURY’s potent rye blend. Because no drink … Read the rest

What did I do this summer?

Well, there was all that nomination business, but that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t time for some rest and relaxation.

Paul Ryan tells a tale of a fishing trip.

I went fishing with a couple of buddies. We were hanging out in nice New England town. It was an Island. A resort town called Amity Island. One of my buddies was a crusty old barnacle that was wise in … Read the rest

1. Google “grammar rules semicolon”
2. Google “writing the end of a story”
3. Google “end of the world 2012″
4. Google “2012 olympics”
5. Google “nbc friday lineup”
6. Google “friday night lights”
7. Google “michael vick injury”
8. Google “vicks vapor rub”
9. Google “7 erotic back rubs”
10. Google “The 7 Basic Universal Plots“
11. Google “How to overcome writer’s block”

 … Read the rest

Literary or popular fiction, which has the greater inferiority complex?

Literary fiction is a solipsistic mental patient, gazing at itself in a mirror. Very little is happening, except the internal churning of its little grey cells. Literary fiction demands center stage, simultaneously fascinating and repulsing the reader as its flesh is peeled away like layers of onion skin, revealing the bare bones of angst-ridden minimalism. It resides in the self-contained world where it presides over … Read the rest

From crime drama TV, whether it be an OCD Monk or the latest schizophrenic, a great lesson can be learned about making memorable characters that seem real. Here are a few examples of different TV shows , courtesy of an alternate universe where all fish are herrings, that give a character a distinguishing feature.

1. In Plain Sight is a dramatic TV series that revolves around an FBI agent with an intuitive ability to grasp the obvious.
2. A young crime

… Read the rest

Hello The Prospect. This is Cormac McCarthy.

I am calling to offer you the austere chill ushered in by a temporary retreat from societal expectations. The company I represent specializes in epicurean travel and respite from the shrieking madness of the autistic universe and you know something as this economy slouches towards the apocalypse we are offering the absolute best services for the absolute lowest prices.  (deep breath) But I am not calling you to sell anything today.  If … Read the rest

Evolution is the process by which grammatical and stylistic mutations that enhance the appeal of fiction become more common in populations of writers.

Zaius Reads – A Publishing Evolution

Natural selection in evolution follows from three facts:

• Extreme variations in talent and skill exist within populations of writers.
• Writers produce more stories than can be published.
• These stories vary in their ability to be read and emulated.

These conditions produce competition among stories for readers. As … Read the rest

Drill Indecision Suggests Unpublished Success

How have I remained unpublished for so long?

Indecision has played a critical role in my success as an unpublished writer.

I once spent two hours trying to select a drill at Lowes. So many factors to consider.

• Cord or cordless? Cordless would provide a certain amount of flexibility, while a drill that plugged right into the power grid offered a more substantial drilling experience. And if I was going to

… Read the rest

Ray Bradbury was an American fantasy, horror, science fiction, and mystery writer. Together with his brother Tom, he is best known for taking over the family business, Bradbury’s cocoa and chocolate company. In 1978 they acquired 14 acres of land on Mars, where they opened a new factory that manufactured Bradbury’s signature creme eggs.

The Bradbury brothers were concerned with Martian rights and provided an alternative to subterranean Martian life. As more Martain land was acquired and the brothers moved more … Read the rest

Things Will Get Really Out of Control
if David Foster Wallace Doesn’t Do His Laundry Soon

I’ve not published many novels and short story collections. Here are 11 more books I didn’t publish.

• David Foster Wallace Gets Serious about His Laundry. A morally passionate, passionately moral fiction that tells what it is to have fucking clean clothing. An ironically unironic story about laundry that includes a 7 page footnote describing the manufacturing process and chemical composition of detergent

… Read the rest

Squids, figs, and so many other things before pigs.

I could work hard at completing my novel or revising my short story or writing a novella. Instead, I spent hours creating a half minute video.