My dialogue is so alive and real, it has self esteem issues

Make your dialogue real by writing it exactly like a conversation, capturing the boring, repetitive, and inane. Don’t let exposition and long paragraphs of description get all the monotony accolades. Master dialogue that drones on and on, interspersed with ummms and yea.

Make your dialogue more real than real by writing entirely unlike a conversation. I’ve been engaged in some fairly robust girdling … Read the rest

My proudest moment—working as an unqualified teacher sharing with uninspired youth my inability to write and publish. My teaching had a transitory impact on a few people.

Gift From My Writing Students

Many writer’s can’t live on what they publish. As an unpublished fiction writer, I have felt even greater pressure to generate alternate revenue streams. My teaching provided more than meager revenue and academic disrespect. I had many opportunities to connect with today’s youth … Read the rest

Fiction Every Bit as Appealing as Protose

Early in my fictional career as a literary writer, I established milestones that would build my confidence on my way to publishing success.

The first milestone: profoundly impact at least one person with my fiction. I achieved this milestone quickly. A short story that I had written for a creative writing workshop had profoundly affected one of my classmates. The short story, “Pendanticia, the Uncensored Adventures of a … Read the rest

Another Neko Case literary writing prompt mashup. This time for your creative writing prompt, I mashed up Neko Case’s Porchlight with scenes from Pink Floyd the Wall.

After viewing the video begin writing.

Ron Paul Legacy Protects Holodeck Manufacturers

Mr. Speaker I, Raul Paul, rise before the Federation Council in opposition to this resolution to tightly regulate holodeck manufacturers, just as my father would have, and my father’s father would have and my father’s father’s father and my father’s father’s father’s father …

As is typical of Federation bureaucracy, this proposal usurps the constitution to solve a problem–if it existed, which I don’t believe it does–that would be … Read the rest

Speeding in Post-Paul Alabama – One Way Ticket to Hunger Games.

License and registration, ma’am.

I’m afraid you were going 55 in a 65 speed zone.

That’s a 65 minimum speed ma’am.

I’m not interested in how they do things in the Mississippi. Mississippi is a hot bed of socialism. In the Great Republic of Alabama, we have a low tolerance for slow driving.

As your roadside judge, I sentence you to the Hunger Games. … Read the rest

Kucinich Wins Like the French and the French fight like the Ferengi

Long regarded as a heretic on Ferenginar, traditionalists celebrated the defeat of Dennis Kucinich on March 6th. The orthodox Ferengi despised Kucinich because he was a caring, passionate man who ineffectively pushed his principled agenda. He stood alone, speaking the truth about power and corruption on Ferenginar.

He was one of the few who truly and ineffectually represented the Birkenstock consumer and not the competent business interests … Read the rest

Dear Rick Santorum:

The Michigan primary is nearly upon us, and you have an urge to puke. Understandable, with the assault on religion by socialists and phony theologies. I’m afraid it gets much worse, Mr. Santorum. During the struggle between church and state, the spectre of science has been stealthily corrupting our youth, as it casts a fearsome shadow of rigorous, free thinking over public schools.

I believe in an America where the separation of … Read the rest

Neko, Nico, Necco Wafers

My blog needs a theme song, and I’m asking you to help me decide what it should be.

• Patterns by Simon and the other Guy. An empowering song about living life one day at a time.
• Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd. A stirring tribute to the industrial revolution.
• Porchlight by Neko Case. A romantic love song.
• My Only Child by Nico. A happy song about childhood by a different

… Read the rest

I am not a monkey

Illiterary fiction excels at showing, showing with a profundity of adverbs and exceptional adjectives. Dictionary inspired descriptions that convey the most erudite worlds. With copious plot twists, illiterary fiction is surprisingly uninspiring.

Her face, bilious and choleric, she could not tell if the man looked bug eyed because she had told him the surprising news, or because he had big bug eyes. Otherwise, his face was vacant, vapid, and blank. … Read the rest

Copyright Gargoyle

When is it OK to rip off copyrighted material? It all depends on the ambiguity of fair use. Difficult to define, but you know it when you see it. Here are some examples of fair use, as far as Unpublished Guy is concerned.

• Schindler’s List reimagined as a slapstick comedy
• Parody T-shirt of Aqua Teen Hunger Force drawn in the illustrative style of William Blake
• Squids on a Wing Pt II
• Kate Winslet’s

… Read the rest