Illiterary Fiction – Faces

illiterary writing style - gibbon says, "i am not a monkey"
I am not a monkey

Illiterary fiction excels at showing, showing with a profundity of adverbs and exceptional adjectives. Dictionary inspired descriptions that convey the most erudite worlds. With copious plot twists, illiterary fiction is surprisingly uninspiring.

Her face, bilious and choleric, she could not tell if the man looked bug eyed because she had told him the surprising news, or because he had big bug eyes. Otherwise, his face was vacant, vapid, and blank. … Read the rest

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Fair Use for Fun and Profit

Copyright Gargoyle

Copyright Gargoyle

When is it OK to rip off copyrighted material? It all depends on the ambiguity of fair use. Difficult to define, but you know it when you see it. Here are some examples of fair use, as far as Unpublished Guy is concerned.

  • Schindler’s List reimagined as a slapstick comedy
  • Parody T-shirt of Aqua Teen Hunger Force drawn in the illustrative style of William Blake
  • Squids on a Wing Pt II
  • Kate Winslet’s
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Book Review: Machine of Death

Death by Dr. Zaius, one of many missed opportunities in this anthology of short stories, Machine of Death. All of the stories are about a machine (of death) that tells you how you are going to die. It takes a blood sample and spits out a card with a cryptic word or two. The title of each story reflects the manner of death. More misses than hits and many missed opportunities.

Hits Misses Missed Opportunities
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Neko Case Kung Fu Mashup Literary Writing Prompt

Back by unpopular demand: a video prompt. Now, I’m calling them literary writing prompts. I’m expecting great things, people.

After viewing the video begin writing.

  • Don’t post your fiction in the comments below.
  • If you have a blog or web site, you can post your writing on your blog.
  • Make sure to add a link on your blog/web site back to this page.
  • Add a comment below to let everyone know where to find what
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I Had a Dream, a SOPA Dream

Look into the Abyss

I had a dream that SOPA would pass and the freedom to regulate would prevail.

I had a dream that my two grown children, living in my basement and the spare bedroom, would one day surf the Internets where they will not judge web pages by the color of their themes but by their lack of content.

I had a dream that books would be burned and e-book bytes would be … Read the rest

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Mr. Left and Ms. Right

Mr Left and Mrs Right by Unpublished Guy, an allegorical polemic by a radical moderate

An allegorical polemic by a radical moderate.

Mr. Left always wanted some of Mrs. Right’s Skittles, but she never shared. Mr. Left was always sniveling and whining about fairness. Mrs. Right had a low tolerance for Mr. Left’s complaints. Life isn’t fair and that is all there is to it. He should get his own Skittles. Of course, it was a completely different matter when she needed him to run out for a pregnancy … Read the rest

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Dialogue Writing Tip for the Hyperliterate

Never use an adverb to modify dialogue. Don’t use words like ejaculate and vociferate. Even better: Completely unmodified dialogue.

“Where are you?”
“I’m over here.
“What are you doing over there?”
“My God, I’m full of methane.”
“Why don’t you come over here?”
“Alright, I’ll go over there.”
“Now, that you’re over here, I have something important to ask you.
“What’s that smell?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“Doesn’t matter to … Read the rest

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Forget Self-Publishing. You-Publishing is the Future of Publishing


It’s only a matter of time before self-publishing becomes the next traditional publishing, an outmoded, outdated form of publishing. You-publishing is the next wave of publishing. With you-publishing, you publish my novels and collections of short stories. You-publishing can be a smart choice for writers that are me. It’s cost-effective (for me) , low effort way for me to transition from the unpublished lifestyle. It costs much less than other methods of publishing, because you … Read the rest

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I Only Watch Movies When Kate Winslet is Naked

Naked Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet Naked

I only watch movies when Kate Winslet is naked. The first movie I saw was Titanic, then I saw Holy Smoke and Quills. I didn’t watch many movies for the next five years. I did watch Eternal Sunshine of the Mind, even though Kate Winslet wasn’t naked, and then I saw Little Children, in which she was naked in numerous positions. I haven’t seen The Reader, yet, in which Kate Winslet was … Read the rest

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Metafictional Allegory, or Not, You Did Not Write Moby Dick

Dear Unpublished Guy:

I usually don’t respond to the pathetic pleas of a person who has made the misplaced presumption that they are a writer. As I indicated in my initial communication, your submission exceeded our gazette’s word count by a magnitude of 100. Perhaps more to the point, you submitted the novel, Moby Dick, copied verbatim.

I’m afraid that I am not moved by your fair use argument. Your postmodern tom foolery would have … Read the rest

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ADD Writing Style: Kim Jong-il is Dead

My weekly supply of adderal

My weekly supply of adderal

A frenetic writing style that exposes the reader to a wide range of topics and rapid fire thoughts.  The primary writing style of Kathy Acker.  The fiction excerpt is a contemporary-crime-thriller-historical science fiction-literary romance.

Kim Jong-il is dead, and I like dogs. It’s better to eat dogs than pigs, because pigs are smarter. Bacon is tasty. Kittens are tasty. You shouldn’t keep chimps as pets. The rain forest is falling.

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