Profile in Courage: Chikushishifu Jikatatamo

I am an avid rugby fan, and I was sad to hear about the recent death of one of my favorite rugby players, Chikushishu Jikatatamo, who was a perhaps the greatest, fictional rugby player in the sport to have never appeared in an actual work of fiction.

During his 22 year rugby career playing 8-man for the poor island nation of Borgabundahe, he scored 1,052 tries, ran over 16,000 metres, and made 5,012 tackles. Statistics don't tell the complete story of the inspired rugby play that he was capable of. In one game, he was the first man to engage in nineteen continuous rucks from one end of the field to the other; when the Borgabundians lost the ball when nearly scoring a try, Chikushishifu chased down the opposing teams clearing kick at midfield and subsequently ran from midfield and single-handedly scoring a try--at one point, getting tackled and offloading the ball to himself.  

Like many extraoordinary athletes, Chikushishu had a troubled personal life. He admitted that he suffered from a vestigial meta-depression, which he attempted to compensate for with rugby and sex. Unfortunately, this coping mechanism resulted in fallen arches and various unplanned pregnancies conceived in various diverse locations.

Rugby players in Borgabunda are poorly paid. As a result, Chikashishifu had to supplement his income through a part-time reserve job as a ninja on the single nuclear submarine that constituted Borgabunda's navy. Chikushishifu would stand atop the sub in his black ninja garb and leap onto enemy ships. This unorthadox approach to naval warfare was dictated by the sub's lack of torpedoes, due to the island's small military budget. 

Chikushishifu Jikatatamo died in a freak badger accident and would have been missed by many, if many had ever been aware of his life of sacrifice for his country and excellent rugby play.