Mr. Left and Mrs. Right

Mr. Left always wanted some of Mrs. Right’s Skittles, but she never shared. Mr. Left was always sniveling and whining about fairness. Mrs. Right had a low tolerance for Mr. Left’s complaints. Life isn’t fair and that is all there is to it. He should get his own Skittles. Of course, it was a completely different matter when she needed him to run out for a pregnancy test.

Mrs. Right often could not get into the bathroom, because it would be occupied by Mr. Left.
Mr. Left was terribly sanctimonious. He often lectured Mrs. Right about her lack of empathy. Couldn’t she spare a few dollars or a few minutes of her time to help out the neighbors. Of course, he was the one who became so infuriated when he caught the neighbor’s dog crapping in their yard.

Mr. Left disagreed with Mrs. Right’s opposition to pre-marital sex, and her stance on post-marital sex frustrated him. She was constantly praising God and the Lord and dragging him to Church on Sundays, as well as the other six days of the week. He couldn’t afford a subscription to his existentialist-of-the-month book club, because she’d bought Rapture insurance.

Mrs. Right took great satisfaction imagining the torment Mr. Left would feel when he burned in Hell. He had absolutely no respect for her beliefs.  Yet he was a complete embarrassment when he painted himself blue and danced around naked in front ofa bonfire on the front lawn, completely oblivious to the pagan’s history of human sacrifice. Outside of the Spanish Inquisition, his grasp of history was feeble, glazed by a politically correct sugar coating.