Dialogue Writing Tip

Never use an adverb to modify dialogue. Don’t use words like ejaculate and vociferate. Even better: Completely unmodified dialogue.

“Where are you?”
“I’m over here.
“What are you doing over there?”
“My God, I’m full of methane.”
“Why don’t you come over here?”
“Alright, I’ll go over there.”
“Now, that you’re over here, I have something important to ask you.
“What’s that smell?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“Doesn’t matter to me.
“Why did you wander over there?”
“I’m right here.”
“Walls are made out of bricks.
“Sometimes, they’re made out of jelly.”
“And mountains are made of mashed potatoes.”
“They are, just as surely that I am standing here.”
“But you’re standing over there.”
“Don’t you start that again.”
“Hey guys, what are you doing?”
“We’re standing around.”
“Having fun?”
“Not too much. This guy keeps running around.”
“Perhaps, you are the one running around.”
“What’s that smell?”
“What smell?”
“That smell.”
“I don’t smell anything.
“I have no nose.”
“I smoke too much.”
“Who smokes too much?”
“I do.”
“Who do?”
“I do.”
“I do, too.
“I’m going to have a smoke, right now.”
“I’m not sure that’s a terribly good idea.”
“Nonsense. Just stand over there.”
“Where should I stand?”