Writing Dialogue

Make your dialogue real by writing it exactly like a conversation, capturing the boring, repetitive, and inane. Don’t let exposition and long paragraphs of description get all the monotony accolades. Master dialogue that drones on and on, interspersed with ummms and yea.

Make your dialogue more real than real by writing entirely unlike a conversation. I’ve been engaged in some fairly robust girdling haircuts and floggers coverup hydrocarbon that have both delighted and excited tundras indisputably.

Do dialogue in dialect: a Scottish squid in a scintillating conversation with a dead whale. Ya dint tawk mooch, doo ya?

Load your dialogue with adverbs and 5-syllable tags to convey strong emotion. You’ve betrayed me, he angrily and vociferously ejaculated with great aplomb.

Finally, don’t forget to explain the back story through long, tedious lectures.

As you know, Professor Snugglebottom, a black hole is a concentration of matter so dense that not even light can escape its gravitational pull. Using our super secret space craft, we will … ummm …. be the first humans to cross the event horizon and settle once and for all the longstanding debate between astrophysicists and kangaroos regarding the information loss and the heat death of the universe.