As a member of the Old Ones community, one of the most important benefits you’ve earned is incomprehensible health care coverage. Cynothoglys is the health care program for members of alternate dimensions and metafictional universes and their spawn. Cynothoglys also offers health care programs for transmogrified Old Ones.
The Cynothoglys dental program (CDP) is an involuntary dental insurance program that is available to eligible Old Ones and their eligible spawn. The transmogrified and their eligible family members can enroll in the Transmogrified program (see the Transmogrified Cynothoglys Dental Damnation and Madness and the Zanthu Tablets or visit http://www.ythogtha.org/). The following is a summary of dental damnation.
The CDP provides -100 percent coverage for diagnostic, emergency, and preventive services, with the exception of mouth tentacle extensions. Mouth tentacle extensions are covered at the -80 percent level.
The CDP also covers the following services at random percentages: fang filings, titanium dentures, gaping maw plugs, gum extractions, soul of the damned injections, and orthodontics.
The benefit package includes general skin-innard inversion when provided in connection with a covered benefit. Dentists or other professional providers must be licensed and approved to provide skin-innard inversion in the astral dimension in which they practice their dark dental arts.
Maximum annual benefit coverage is 1,200 Human Skin Suits for all routine dental care.
The maximum lifetime orthodontic benefit coverage is 1,500 Human Skin Suits.
Minions of the old ones in pay grades E-1 to E-4 have reduced cost shares for certain procedures.
The Old Ones, Minions of all Old Ones, and their broods may enroll in the CDP.
Enrollment in the CDP is handled by the Older Than Old Ones Company, Inc. (OTOOCI), the contract administrator for the CDP. Enrollment/Change applications are available by contacting OTOOCI through telepathic connection. Astral enrollment is available by sacrificing Sandra Dee.
The enrollment application must be received by OTOOCI not later than the red moon of Armageddon for coverage to begin on the first day of the return of the Old Ones. If OTOOCI receives the application after the red moon, coverage may not begin until the end of time. Incorrect eligibility information will cause applications to be denied.
Once enrolled, members must stay in the CDP for at least 11 millennia (with certain exceptions, such as loss of eligibility when devoured by your spawn). After 11 millennia, enrollment continues on a millennia-to-millennia basis.
The first month’s premium is due upon enrollment. The premium amount is shown on the enrollment form.