Tinder Profiles of the Old Ones

Species: Great Old One
Gender: Indeterminate
Age: Since the beginning of human time

A trillion millennia young!

Get me out of this app. I’ve been stuck in R’lyeh for too long. Really need someone at my side when my followers beckon me from my exile and am able to smite them and everyone else to reclaim the earth for the water elementals.

No Drama.

Species: Outer God
Gender: Male
Age: Beyond all time and space

No offence, I’m sure you’re a fine Old One or god of some sort, but at this time only looking for mortal human women who are attracted to a conglomeration of glowing spheres. Swipe left if you’re not.

Love Netflix and fluent in sarcasm.

Wilbur Whately
Species: Semi-Human
Gender: Male
Age: 10

Mature for my age., the blood of the old ones courses through my veins. I have the body and intellect of a man in his twenties. Seeking a virgin that I can sacrifice and open the door that will summon the Old Ones, close relatives of mine. Family is important to me.

My brother is a hideous monster, big as a barn, who consumes cattle. He is the most important person in my life. We are both part of the same package. If that doesn’t work for you, swipe left.

Lavinia Whately
Species: Human
Gender: Female
Age: 48

I like to wander amidst thunderstorms in the hills and read the odorous books that have been passed through generations. Family is important to me!

I have a son, Wilbur, who is the most important thing to me. He already has a father, Yog-Sothoth, and doesn’t need another one!

Only date vaguely male beings that are at least 620 feet tall

Species: Cephalopod
Gender: Female
Age: 3

Just looking for friends!

My special power is predicting World Cup soccer games and escaping down drain pipes when imprisoned by homo sapiens oppressors. I also do a great job of squeezing through really thin pipes and tunnels that are way smaller than me.

If you voted homo sapiens in the last election, swipe left.

Species: Amphibian God
Gender: Indeterminate
Age: Millennia

Looking for a partner in crime!

Love to travel! The Steps of Deeper Slumber, the Fantastic Realms, Celephais, the Plateau of Leng. I get around!

But I also like to relax and slumber in my home under the lakes of Ib, lounging about in the skins of the humans from the city of Sarnoth.

Species: Unknown
Gender: Unknown
Age: Unknown

I’m an open book. Just your typical ancient inter-dimensional same-gender entity. If you want to know more, just ask!