8 Man Pop Quiz

Please take out pens and paper and clear your desks. This is a pop quiz on your reading assignment 8 Man. This quiz will count towards 8% of your grade in Rucking and Fucking, which fulfills your general education requirement for existential physics.

  1. If a drop kick is worth 3 points, and the 8 man’s team scores 2 tries and the opposing team scores 3 tries, missing 2 conversions, but makes a drop kick, while the 8 man's team also scores 2 penalty kicks then a) numbers below 10 should be spelled out b) who knows, we aren't on this planet to judged by tallying up a score. 

  2. The 8 man a) scored 0 tries b) may have scored tries but also knocked the ball on and was penalized. And rightly so, because we are in fact on this earth to be scored and judged. 

  3. The 8 man has a) a vestigial sense of self exacerbated by fallen arches and poorly concieved tatoos b) a drinking problem and secret desire go vegan 

  4. 8 Man is the protagonist’s a) nickname b) the position he plays 

  5. The 8 man has a) had multiple concussions b) only 8 fingers 

  6. The 8 man has a) unpaid bills b) taken his medication 

  7. The 8 man conceived his daugher in a) a laundry room b) a washroom 

  8. The kid won’t a) wash her hair b) brush her teeth 

  9. The last time the 8 man sees his daughter, she a) is on her way to join a cult that believes in Kool Aid  b) decided to run for Mayor of Baltimore 

  10. According to the kid, scissors are a) a slave b) an inanimate object 

  11. The brothel sprouts joke was a) made up by the author, because he really is that funny  b) stolen from the Internets, because let’s face it, he’s not all that funny 

  12. The 8 man is playing a sport popular in a) Germany b) Japan 

  13. The 8 man a) seems like a happy fellow b) is finding life a bit difficult at the moment 

  14. The author has personal experience playing 8 man a) yes b) no 

  15. I’m thinking of a number a) between 1 and 9 b) between 10 and 15 


Answer Key 

  1. a, but it would be really cool if he only had 8 fingers, because the Scissors Man had cut his thumbs off when he was a kid for sucking his thumbs. 

  2. b, which would have made her the 11th candidate running for the Democratic slot, if she had been old enough to run and didn't have a history of delusions and antipathy to scissors that would have made her unable to perform at ribbon cutting ceremonies. Although if (a) were true, she would probably be a much happier person. 

  3. b, and also popular in New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, England, Argentina and numerous other countries that are not Germany.  

  4. a or so the 8 man thinks, but really the answer is b 

  5. b, the author plays blindside flanker 

  6. Fuck if I know.