I am calling to offer you the austere chill ushered in by a temporary retreat from societal expectations. The company I represent specializes in epicurean travel and respite from the shrieking madness of the autistic universe and you know something as this economy slouches towards the apocalypse we are offering the absolute best services for the absolute lowest prices. (deep breath) But I am not calling you to sell anything today. If I can offer you a deal that will crank out the vestibular calculations in your skull and prove to you beyond the deepest jagged wound of doubt that money is not the issue would you give it consideration?

Sir or Madame, we are willing to give away 3 days and 2 nights of hotel accommodations plus 2 round trip airline tickets to your choice of Black Hills North Dakota Machu Picchu Peru Wheeling West Virginia or El Paso and at no time are you required to take the great marching steps into the soulless oasis, counting them against your return. (deep breath) But I’m sure in the deep recesses of your primordial medulla youre probably thinking what is the catch right?

Sir or Madame, lets conjoin and vociferate on this in more detail at a later time while youre enjoying your fate. It only takes an hour and a half of eternal regret. We simply introduce to you a vortex in the universe to which you and the stars will become a common satellite. We just want your honest opinions and feed backs and I’m pretty sure if you spend your vacation like a great pendulum in its rotunda scribing through the long day movements of the universe of which you may know nothing you will know you must tell your friends, relatives and neighbors good things about us. Right? (Deep breath)

So let me ask you among the lovely destinies that I mentioned which sounds more appealing to you?

Thats a great choice!

So Ill be reserving 2 seats for you and your wife and the El Paso vacation package

Sounds good right?